Sound of a Heartbeat
by Ithilien Archer
Summary: Spock arrives on Earth to a solitary existence amidst a bustling city. Perhaps he is better off lonely. Beginning K/S


A/N: First time writing Trek! All recognizable characters belong to Star Trek and not me.

**Sound of a Heartbeat**

_This city's gonna break your heart_

When Spock arrives on Earth- luggage and barely suppressed emotions in tow- it is to the cacophony of the ever busy San Francisco spaceport. He takes a brief moment, one almost imperceptible to the humans that surround him, to adjust to the weaker gravity and higher oxygen concentration. Spock would never admit it, but already he felt out of place on his mother's homeworld. Though it was by no means a foreign experience, somehow being an outsider here -where the air was cold and emotions ran amok- was worse than it was on Vulcan. It was illogical, however, to dwell on such feelings...feelings he should not be entertaining in the first place.

He had made his choice.

He had no where else to go but here.

Spock glanced around the spaceport at the human faces, noticing how there seemed to be much more color variation in humans than there were in Vulcans. Their faces were softer, less stern in their features, but Spock could see the same wary look in their eyes as the one that he had grown up seeing. It did not hurt. Vulcans did not feel. Yet, Spock could not completely suppress the disappointment that there was no immediate acceptance. Of course, the hope that he would find immediate acceptance among his mother's people, was illogical. Acceptance was not something that simply occurred...at least not from his experience. Spock blamed his human half for seeking it in the first place... and for wanting it still even with the odds against him.

_Honestly, I'm better off lonely_

With a tighter grip on his luggage, Spock walked with quiet dignity toward the spaceport exit where he found a Starfleet hovercar waiting for him. He held his head high and kept his gaze cool while the driver greeted him.

_It's gonna leave you colder_

Though there were certainly many things to see on the way to Starfleet Academy, Spock found his eyes continuously drawn back to the blue, blue sky overhead. He had never seen a color so bright on Vulcan. He had not thought that something so simple and trivial as the color of the sky could be so calming. And as the years rolled by, the blue of the sky would become a source of comfort at times when nothing else could produce the same effect.

~o~

Seven years after arriving on Earth, Spock was fine with where his life was at. Though fine, of course, had variable definitions. He was a commander now, grounded for the time being as the ship he was to serve on had not yet been built. The instructor position that he held was only temporary, something for him to do aside from his extensive research. Spock went home to an empty apartment everyday, and though it was a lonely existence, it was one that he had grown accustomed to. He had not made any lasting friendships during his seven years on Earth. Though he was not scorned by the cadets at the Academy, he had been ostracized for his high intellect and cool demeanor. Spock had refused to change who he was to seek lasting friendships, and the other cadets had in turn not put any effort into making friends with him. Even now as a respected officer, his relationships with others were only superficial at best. Most of the time he was okay...He told himself that he did not need the connection to others that humans craved. He was Vulcan.

_Honestly I'm better off lonely_

~o~

"Spock, have you found what you're looking for?" Captain Christopher Pike asked one afternoon while they were going over a list of new recruits. Spock lifted his gaze from the PADD to his commanding officer (the only person he routinely associated with) and raised an eyebrow.

"I was not aware of having lost anything," Spock commented, noting the half amused and half concerned expression on Pike's face.

"No." He waited for Pike to continue, but after a few prolonged seconds in which Pike only stared contemplatively at him, Spock resumed his perusal of the recruits. Being scrutinized was not as uncomfortable as one would imagine and an easy silence resettled over them. It was not until Spock was getting ready to leave that Pike finally continued his inquiry.

"It's what you're missing, Spock, not something that you've lost," Pike said, the imploring tone in his voice capturing Spock's attention and making something inside him clench in anticipation.

"What am I missing, sir?"

"Meaning." Spock barely suppressed the urge to sigh at Pike's elusiveness.

"Sir, you are being uncharacteristically cryptic."

"Find something worth living for, Spock," Pike implored and Spock opened his mouth to state that he did have something that he was living for. "Something other than your career in Starfleet."

Spock did not know what to say to that.

~o~

_I'm searching for the sound of your heartbeat_

A week later, Pike invited him to a social event for the new cadets. "There's someone I want you to meet," Pike had said and Spock had wanted to refuse because he had no interest in meeting a cadet; he had to deal with them enough on a daily basis. A couple of expectant looks later, however, Spock found himself agreeing to attend the event. It was logical to accompany his future captain as he would be doing so on a regular basis once they were both posted on the new ship.

~o~

The social event was intended for the cadets to get to know their peers outside of an academic setting. Instructors were welcomed to attend, but were not required. Spock regretted his decision to attend as soon as he stepped into the large open room filled with cadets wearing casual clothes and instructors in Starfleet blacks. The emotionally charged room made him uncomfortable and as such he clasped his hands behind his back to avoid any accidental contact with the cadets. Captain Pike, on the other hand was perfectly content in the crowd. Spock observed the ease with which Pike interacted with the cadets and compared it with his own cold, almost aloof demeanor. They were so different, the two of them, but Spock was honored that Pike had chosen him as first officer.

"There he is," Pike commented, breaking Spock out of his reverie with a brief touch to his arm. Spock followed Pike's gaze and noted a cadet with his back turned to them. "Come on," Pike said, weaving through the crowd and Spock followed without comment. Perhaps he would be allowed to leave the event early once he had met whoever Pike wanted to acquaint him with.

"Chris!" An excited voice exclaimed a second before Pike came to a stop.

"It's Captain Pike to you, Jim," Pike said with exasperated fondness and embraced the golden haired cadet.

"In case you haven't noticed, this is a casual event," the cadet- Jim- laughed. "Sir." Spock quirked an eyebrow at the almost disrespectful way Jim spoke to Pike.

"Cheeky as always I see," Pike chuckled, eyes crinkling in a smile and Jim grinned. He would never admit this to anyone, but Spock found himself fascinated by the way that Jim appeared to glow as he and Pike exchanged smiles. "Jim, I'd like you to meet Commander Spock, my new first officer. Spock, this is Jim Kirk."

Jim turned his attention to him, and Spock was taken aback at the blue of the cadet's eyes; blue like the Terran sky. It did not even register until a moment later that there was no judgment in those eyes, no wariness, just acceptance. After all this time, Spock had lost all hope of finding such easy acceptance. It nearly took his breath away.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Commander Spock," Jim said, respectful yet friendly, but Spock could not tear his eyes from the sparkle in those too blue eyes.

"Likewise, Cadet Kirk," Spock replied a moment later and found that he meant it. Jim grinned again, face lighting up in happiness and Spock wondered if anything had ever been so...aesthetically pleasing.

"Call me Jim." A part of Spock wanted to impart that he would call Jim anything so long as Jim desired. The other part of him was terrified that this human was effecting his emotions so easily. Seven years of living among humans and he had never met anyone that could provoke so much feeling within him. Perhaps he had been lying to himself all along.

Perhaps he was not better off lonely.

"If you would refer to me as Spock." Something shifted inside of him, the loneliness that he had borne his whole life lost some of its sharpness. There was something about Jim, something that Spock could not place. It did not matter for the moment, however, because Spock thinks that he had found what Pike had alluded to...The comfort of the Terran sky; captured in a cadet with golden hair and too blue eyes that conveyed unconditional acceptance. And maybe this would be worth living for.

-_fin- _


End file.
